


astrophile

by castinrain



Category: Original Work
Genre: Astrophile, Depression, Funerals, Heartbreak, M/M, Other, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 19:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9840782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castinrain/pseuds/castinrain
Summary: (Also posted on Wattpad)he loved the starsi hated them but i loved him





	

**Author's Note:**

> do leave a kudos or a comment if you dub me worthy, thank you :)

he was always an astrophile.

always loved the stars, the planets, the universe. 

he always liked how they looked as though someone had thrown twinkling, molten-gold moondust lazily across the sky. the way they sat nonchalantly glistening in the black-void of the universe.

after a long day of hellish experiences in school, he would sit on the rooftop of his house and simply watch the stars and if he was lucky, the occasional comet would greet the night sky with an evanescent flash of light before the sky dimmed down again.  
\--

i was always an astrophobic.

always afraid of what was out there, the unknown, not even soothed by the stars. to me, space was just an inky black abyss of death.

i was afraid of it, all of it.

\--

but he took me up to his rooftop, held my hand and pointed out the different constellations with that crooked smile of his.

he turned to me and whispered, ' look kris! it's beautiful, isn't it? '

i would smile and nod because, it really was.

he was so happy that he got me to admit that, me the one who had hated space all my life, to say it was beautiful.

i was happy because i got to see two beautiful things that wonderful evening.

him and the stars.

\--

one night, his smile looked fake. too forced, too pained.

i asked him what was wrong, he brushed my question off.

he pointed at the stars, naming those same constellations again so i would remember.

his voice sounded like forced cheer.

i persisted with the question and he said with conviction, ' there's nothing wrong, kris!'

i didn't believe him but simply decided to drop the subject.

maybe he had a shitty day?

\--

'hey, kris? if i ever die, scatter my ashes in the ocean, okay?"

at first i thought he was joking but one look at his face told me otherwise.

i told him okay with a question mark in the sentence.

he grinned, telling me he'll hold me to my word.

i laughed, slapped him lightly on the back and promised him again.

\--

i remember that day. the day where i didn't find him on the rooftop waiting for me.

he was always on the rooftop waiting for me.

an alarm immediately went off in my head, my heart thumping, worry cutting my oxygen supply off.

i unlocked the house with the key he had hidden under one of the flowerpots.

i was the only one he told where the key was, to this day i never knew why.

i rushed into the house, it was empty. his parents were never home.

never.

 

i shot up the stairs where his room was located.

i opened the door.

\--

red.

i always hated that colour.

i hate it even more now.

it was everywhere, the floor, the wall.

it came from his wrists, his eyes were closed peacefully.

i felt my eyes fill with tears, they were still unshed under my eyelids.

my vision was blurry but i still found my way next to him.

i checked for his pulse. hoping for the small beat of hope.

i waited.

and waited.

nothing.

 

the tears flowed down my cheeks and hit the floor as my body was racked with sobs.

\--

i felt uncomfortable in the tuxedo, stuffy and itchy as i sat in the white plastic chair aligned with others of its kind.

the funeral was a small one, the coffin a shiny, polish brown.

his parents were crying,the mother with the continuous stream of tears and the father with the wet eyes.

i couldn't help myself when i thought why they were crying over a son they barely saw.

i should be the one crying.

i felt numb.

his sister had come up to me, eyes so similar to his that my heart felt as if a razor-sharp blade had stabbed it.

she asked me why i wasn't crying.

why wasn't i crying?

i was exhausted, i had cried myself silly for numerous weeks. i hardly ate, hardly slept. 

i spent the time next to the window, trying desperately to recall those constellations that he told me about.

the southern cross

aquila 

orion 

the big dipper

.....

i didn't have a good response for his sister and settled with an 'i don't know'.

she looked dissatisfied with my answer but left me alone anyway.

\--

i was the one who told his parents to send his ashes into the ocean.

they left me with the task and i watched as the grey remains of him floated out into the sea as i scattered his ashes from a rocky cliffside. 

it was starting to turn dark so the others headed back first.

i wanted to stay a bit longer.

\--

'hey...leo?' i muttered his name. 'i miss you so much.'

i felt my eyes feel up with the familiar tears.

'i...got your note...why didn't you tell me? why didn't you tell me that callisto and his gang of bastards were beating you up after school every day?'

i was trying not to sob. 

'it's...all my fault. i noticed you were not okay, I noticed you were wearing those long sleeves everyday. why didn't i question you? if i did, you could still be alive! it's...my fault...'

'leo, i'm sorry.' i cried out.

after a long moment of silence, only the occasional whistling of the wind piercing through the air, i spoke again.

'leo, i m-memorized those c-constellations you told me about.'

i took a shaky breath and began to recite them by heart.

andromeda

antlia

apus

aquarius

aquila

....

'see? i-i did it!' i exclaimed dully as i finished. 

why was i expecting an answer?

i really wanted to hear that voice again, i wanted to hear his laugh again.

i wanted to see him again.

the waves must have carried his ashes pretty far away by now. i thought.

i wondered why he asked his ashes to be carried by the ocean and smiled sadly when i realized the answer.

he wanted to be carried by the waves as he watched the stars, didn't he? 

i couldn't help but laugh through my tears and wondered if he was watching the same stars i was watching now.

the thought warmed my wounded heart and i looked at the sky somemore. 

that guy...

he was always an astrophile.

 

\--

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate constructive criticism :)
> 
> -kestin


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